Hey everybody. Welcome. And Hello Again… I know it’s been a year since I last publicly posted. I have literally just been living life and going through the motions. After years of Emotional Detachment and being in survival mode, I used 2020 as my ‘living in the moment’ year. For everyone else it was a year of NEW ways of life. For me it was, ‘just live it’. My kids were home. They were in my safety under our roof. The whole world outside our windows paused. And for once I felt like I was finally getting aligned with the rest of the world.
I have been living in slow motion for years while I watched the whole world just pass me by. Speeding by, actually. And I was just cruising at my own pace, taking life and its obstacles as it came and living one day at a time… one moment at a time. And now here it was… the world was paused and was moving in slow motion WITH ME. I kind of loved it. While the whole world was freaking out over hand sanitizer and Lysol, I was offering up my secret stash that I had stored to my grandparents and other special needs moms.
Anywho… so this post I wrote last year in May 2020. He had some medical issues that we were dealing with and I was feeling really overwhelmed on the drive home. So I turned on my voice recorder and started recording.
{May 2020}
These last couple of weeks have been a doozey and as I am driving home from the hospital with my son, I can’t help but think of “the fear”.
Now if you’re a mom of a child who has had a sickness, or some kind of hospitalization or special need, you KNOW what fear I am talking about. The fear that you aren’t doing enough for your baby. The fear that something else is going to happen, because that has been your life since your baby was born. This very particular FEAR that has always lingered in the back of our minds. The fear that has been in our hearts, in our souls and that has intertwined in our lives… the fear that we don’t know how long our babies are going to be here on earth with us. That fear that .. i hate to admit… might never go away.
But as quickly as I thought about my fear, the Lord spoke to me. And He said, “Fear not, for I am with you.” And then I allowed a few tears to come down my cheek, and I started reciting this verse.
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ – Isaiah 41:10
There is no need for me to let myself get enveloped by fear right now. God has this. God has me. He is going to help us through this, just like He always has. He is going to take care of this.
**I felt this need to share this old unpublished post. I pray that whoever needed to see this, does. I pray that whoever this reaches, it blesses you. I promise to be better at being obedient to His word.
Blessings friends. Looking forward to hearing from you. Please feel free to leave a comment, share one of your experiences. I know He comes to all of us so differently and in our/His own way. How does God speak to you?
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