Release and Let Be

Matthew goes in for his Second Transplant Evaluation tomorrow. I learned today that his Nephrologist actually put in the request for him to be seen again. She said he has met his goal that they wanted and thinks that he is a good size to go active on the transplant list.

Matthew was first seen in September by the transplant team. He had every scan and xray done before the appointment. He was seen by every specialty leading up to the appointment and he was already the minimum weight to eligible for a transplant. When we got there, the social worker, case worker, charge nurse and surgeon were very very nice. They are actually a pretty amazing team. They answered all my questions before I asked them and they were very encouraging. But when the surgeon saw him, he said, if something were to happen to Matthew, he would have no problem transplanting him. However, he would prefer him to be just a little bit bigger. He said he has transplanted babies as small as 6lbs before. But since Matthew is seemingly healthy and is doing as well as he can, then he would prefer Matthew to be a bigger size. He would like him to be taller and heavier. He said, the bigger he is, the better.

Me, being the Mama Bear that has been in this game for two years already, told the surgeon that I am NOT in a hurry. Because, honestly, I was not. Matthew has overcome so much since even BEFORE he was born. He has overcome so may odds and has been on his “death bed” more times than most adults. I told the surgeon that I did NOT want to rush this. It is God’s Promise that Matthew will only go through this once in his lifetime. Yes, I said it. Matthew will have one kidney transplant and it will last his entire lifetime. I pray it, I declare it, I believe it. In Jesus Name. The surgeon looked at me and smiled. I know it is rare for him to hear that. But I meant it. I am not in a rush. I don’t want to move forward if it is not God’s Will. I want everything to fall into place in God’s Time. I want my Will and Matthew’s life to fall in alignment with what God has planned.

I am not anxious or nervous or expecting anything tomorrow. I don’t know what is going to be said. I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow. I have given the transplant process to God just like I have given everything else to Him. And I am just trusting that if we hear that Matthew will be put on the active transplant list tomorrow, then great. Or if they say that they want him to grow a little more, then fine. It obviously is not Matthew’s time. Matthew is considered well, considering everything going on. He is happy and he is enjoying life. If it is not his time, then it’s not. If it is, then it is. If it is not his time, then we continue moving forward with just getting by as best we can. And if it is his time then we put our preparation plan into play and start getting ready and making arrangements for what may come.

I gave my son to God to years ago. I let my tight grasp go and had to release him back into God’s care. This has been an incredible, miraculous, scary, fun, ridiculous, amazing, horrible and best journey of a lifetime. I have learned a lot about myself, about my heart, my brain and my spirit. I have been given words and thought and even shown visions of our future. I have denied, hated and loved myself and know that I have a long ways to go to be used used by Him. But that is where I am headed. I will be used by Him for whatever He has planned for me. And all Glory will go to God.

Please keep us in your prayers. Tomorrow we will be given more information about God’s plan for Matthew. I am so grateful and excited for what’s to come.

God Bless and Good night everyone.

xo

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