One thing no one reminds you about when you are dealing with a sick baby, is that your other kids get sick too.
You life revolves around your sick baby. It’s unfortunate, yes, but it’s true. And I am sure you are thinking, well that’s not fair to the other kids. And you are absolutely right…. it’s not. It’s not fair. It’s not right. It’s not fun. And NO ONE prepares you for that dilemma.
No one tells you that as you are freaking out but trying to stay calm about one baby whose temperature has spiked and you just know, based on your experience, that it IS an infection and that you WILL have to go to the hospital…. your other baby, his twin sister, or his older sister, just 5 years old, will be crying for you and tugging at your shirt, with their arms raised up because they know, they feel something is wrong, and they are scared, they are worried, they want YOU to hold them to make them feel better. They want YOU to carry them because YOU make them feel better….. but you have to care for your sick child. You have to get them to the hospital fast because it is over an hour away.
How do you walk away from one child to care for the other? How do you handle the crying of one and the crying of the other?? No one tells you that. No one has the answer to that. No one can offer you the advice that will make you feel better.
I am learning as the days pass that you just have to get through the day. You just have to keep going. Keep living. You can’t quit this life. This life is for YOU. This life was created for YOU. This #HospitalLife that you live…. you just have to get through it.
The number one piece of advice that I was given back when my twins were in the NICU, came from another NICU mom. And she said,
“Wherever you are at, be there. If you are at the NICU, be there. Don’t think about your kids or family at home. And when you are home, be there! Don’t think about your baby in the hospital”
I always carried that piece of advice with me. Because it was so hard to handle both places, both sets of siblings, both sets of circumstances. It was hard to balance everything. I had to learn to just concentrate on what I needed to concentrate on. I had to learn to prioritize and I had to learn to care for each child the way THEY needed me to care for them. Each child has a specific and different need. Each child is different. And each child accepts and receives their own levels of comfort. And in a time of trauma, everyone and everything changes. And I had to learn how to handle each “thing” separately.
It has been more than two years that we have been on this journey. And it is still hard to handle everything. It is still hard to deal…. but I am getting through it. With the Grace of God and His Mercy… I am trusting on Him. I am trusting that God will get us through it. I am trusting that God has given me the perfect amount of strength and faith that I need to get through this. I totally believe that God DOES give us more that we can handle… because LIFE… LIFE still happens… BUT… I believe that He gives us the PERFECT amount of strength and faith we need to get through it. And THAT is what keeps me going.
So when your heart is breaking because you have to walk away from one child to care for the other… know that BOTH kids are in God’s Hands. Take care of each child individually and make sure each child knows that you are doing your best and doing what each child needs. Keep the communication open with your kids. It helps when they are a part of everything.
Keep going mama… you are doing your best. Love your life, love your family, love your babies…. You are all in God’s Hands.