Lord Prepare Me…

It is only the beginning…

I have been praying for years to be IN THE MOMENT that I was in this morning. Hearing the doctors say that Matthew was ready for transplant.

Our first hurdle was getting Matthew to survive the pregnancy… and then he needed to survive his birth. We prayed over the nine surgeries he had in the five months that he was in the NICU. Had more than enough “he might not make its” and persevered through each day and night.

Every day that he has lived for the past 24 months and 17 days has been a true miracle. And it was only a few months ago that I finally had the nerve to ask God, “How much longer must we endure this?!” He gave me an answer pretty quick.

YEARS! Doctors told us YEARS!! It will be years of surgery and years of procedures and years of doctors appointments that Matthew and the rest of our family is going to have to go through. I humbly acknowledged His answer and began to prepare myself for what was to come. I knew that I was going to have to use a catheter on my son at least 4 or 5 times a day. We all know that those don’t feel good. I had these horrible visions of Matthew crying and screaming pain and me having to hold him down while stuck this tubing in him. I had visions of the painful procedures and surgeries that he was going to have to endure. I thought he was going to be five years old and more aware of what the hospital really was and him just screaming in fear because it was not a good place to be anymore.

But I prayed that God would prepare me. Prepare me to do what I need to do to get Matthew healthy. Prepare me to be able to take it and make it through. Prepare me to be the mother that he NEEDS me to be. I needed to be ready. I didn’t want to have to flinch. I didn’t want Matthew to look at me and see fear or worry or pain. I needed to be the one that he looked at and knew that I was there to take care of him, nurture him and love on him. Eventhough I had to do whatevers and what-nots, I was there for him.

And then Sunday, July 17th happened. The doctor came in a did her weekly check up. We spoke a little about his meds and his phosphorus being a little high. We discussed his weight and height and then said smiled and said, “I think he is ready for transplant. I am going to send in the referral today.”

I was in shock. I smiled. My heart smiled. But I was so proud of myself…. I didn’t cry. lol. I took in the information. I just breathed very deeply and memorized the moment. Exactly like the moment when we were told that he was going home from the NICU. And amazing thing about it… both announcements were made by the SAME doctor. Matthew’s nephrologist from the NICU is the same one he has today, Dr. Sanchez. I began smiling uncontrollable and then she started smiling and then we started laughing because we both wanted to jump and scream lol. And then I reminded her that she was the one that told us Matthew can go home from the NICU and now she is telling us he is being referred to the transplant team. She stopped for a second and smiled realizing how special this was to me… it was a neat and awkward moment. Very surreal for me.

These moments… these little inconspicuous moments… make my heart so full. They make me love and appreciate the little things. The little details in life are what make our lives so amazing. It doesnt matter how hard life is, or what we are going through or dealing with… Life is worth it. These moments are worth it.

I pray every day and every night that the Lord prepares me for whatever I need to do or however I need to be. I want to be ready. I want to be strong and wise. I want to be who I need to be for my husband, my children, families who need help and most importantly who I need to be for God’s Purpose.

Please keep us in your prayers…

xo

 

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