The Envelope

livingdonorpacket

 

I received this envelope on July 19th… I have been holding it and carrying it in my bag every day since the moment it was placed in my hands. When I first received it, I was anxious to open it up and read all the contents in this magical envelope. It was very heavy, by the way. And it actually came with two envelopes.

I came home and placed it on my dining room table and began to go through everything in there. So many booklets, brochures, business cards, pamphlets, infographics about being a donor, kidney disease, and the surgery itself. Then there were the forms to apply to be my sons donor.

When I was reading over the application, everything suddenly became real. Too real for me.

Way too too real. 

Suddenly the emotions just overwhelmed me. Two years and 5 months of emotions overwhelmed me. From the moment we spoke with doctors and learned about Matthew’s diagnosis when I was pregnant, we were told not to ever expect to reach this point. Matthew wouldn’t survive long enough to get a transplant. He was always too sick, or too small, or too far from stable to even think about it.

And now… here we are. Months ago I was approached with the idea of ME donating my kidney to Matthew. At first, I did not like the idea because of the what-if. 

What if my kidney fails him…..

What if my kidney works now but fails later… they wouldn’t allow me to donate again….

What if it fails in 10 years and Matthew is on the waiting list for about 3 or 4 years this time….

What if the kidney fails in 20 or 30 years and Matthew will be on dialysis for up to 10 years….

What if I get sick and lose my other kidney and them IM the one on dialysis too sick to care for any of my kids….

What if he gets an infections….

What if…..

What if….

What if…

For the past two years and 5 months we have been dealing with and living in this world of uncertainty. A special kind of world. One that I don’t wish on anyone. But one that I wish people knew about. A special life that, I really believe, only a few can handle. A world of anxiety, stress, worry, sadness and even fear. A world of excitement, joy, relief, compassion, and a whole lot of hope. All ten emotions, and many more, thrust at you all in one magical day.

Here I am… staring at this envelope and letting my tears flow. Finally….. finally…. we are here. Finally I have this envelope. Finally….. the biggest blessing that God had promised us years ago…. that as long as we kept our faith…. as long as we shared His miracles… as long as we brought people closer to God through sharing our story… as long as we made believers of the unbelieving, brought prayers from the ones who have never spoken to God…. as long as we just held on to our Mustard Seed of faith…. we would receive our Promise.

And here it is. Our envelope. Our Promise. Our blessing. Our Miracle. It’s in my hands….

To God Be The Glory

xo

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