Thankfulness

Thankfulness

DECEMBER 22, 2014

Maybe it’s the Christmas season that has me feeling all lovey dovey. Maybe it’s just me finally feeling human again. Whatever it is…. I just feel GRATEFUL.

Back in September when my husband lost his job… I, honestly, was devastated. My twin girl was brand new out of the NICU after being born ten weeks early and spending two months at the hospital… my twin boy was STILL very sick in the NICU, my four year old was starting kindergarten… my other three girls were starting school at brand new schools… my life was a complete wreck… or so I thought… so I felt.

I was not working at the time and I had run out of hours for being off work for so long. I was no longer receiving a paycheck. We had become a one income family of 8. I knew it was going to be hard but I knew it would work out somehow…God always makes a way. But then I find out my husband lost his job and I just went nuts on the inside. On the inside, I was telling myself and telling people that it was okay.. God will make a way… God will find a way. God will provide for us.. God will continue to take care of…. but on the inside I was afraid. I was worried. I actually thought God has done SO MUCH for us already.. I need Him to keep taking care of our son… I need God to concentrate on healing our son… I will take care of the financial situation..”You keep doing YOU God… I got this..”

Again… I knew things would work out, but I just couldn’t help but worry. And the worry engulfed me. My hair started falling out because of the stress.. I was eating “comfort food” because, well… I really didn’t care about what I looked like on the outside… my babies in the NICU, who cares what I look like?! lol.. I was a hot mess.

When I was at my lowest of lows… I would pray. Sometimes I had no strength in me that I would literally fall to my knees and just pray. Pray for strength. Pray for endurance. Pray for help financially. You see, the month of September was the last month either my husband and I received a paycheck. The month of October, we used what was left in our savings… which wasn’t much. It was basically just rent money, utilities and food for the girls lunches. We figured if need be, we could go over to our parents or friends home for dinner..lol. I remember still holding on to the last $20 dollar bill I had had. I pulled up to the gas station and parked. I remember rummaging through my purse, going through all the pockets. I remember praying to myself, please God, please, let me have a $20 in here so I can go home. I knew I had a $5… but I didn’t think that would get me home. While looking through my purse, different scenarios were going through my head. I could call a cousin that lived close by and ask for money… I could sleep in my car at the hospital and I would still be close to my son.. I could ask for money from my son’s NICU nurse… she does know my financial situation.. or I could go talk to my son’s case manager and ask her for a gas card…

But then I found a $20. I was so happy, but I was sad at the same time. Because I knew it was the last of any kind of money I was going to get in a very long time. I began to thank God over and over again…” Thank you thank you thank you Lord.. I have money for gas!!! ” And then from that day forward, I prayed and asked God for help financially.

I told God that I know he has been really busy healing my son. This was around the time where doctor’s told us our son wasn’t going to live past 24 hours… so I knew He was working overtime. But I was so desperate… I was desperate for God’s comfort, and I was desperate for just a glimpse of the future. I NEEDED to know that we were going to be okay. I NEEDED to know that He was going to provide, financially, for us. This was my prayer for weeks.

In the next coming weeks, my parents, my in-laws, my grandparents and my aunt, actually helped us financially. It was amazing. (One thing I never asked from family was money. My husband and I were actually the ones always giving money to family to help them out.) And then one day, I woke up to no food in the house and no money left from what was given us. And I cried in the bed…silently to myself. My husband asked what was wrong. I told him that we don’t have anymore money and we need groceries. He simply held my hand and quietly said, “Somehow, God will provide. ”  It literally was within 30 minutes that I received a text from our Pastor’s wife that said, “There is a card for you at your front door. Go get it, I had to leave it and run.” Inside that card was a gift certificate for $250 to our local grocery store. I was amazed. That card fed us for two weeks…. a family of 8… two weeks. it was a true miracle.

There are so many more short stories of miracles that I have. So many little miracles that we have seen.. that we have lived through. All have continuously shown us that God will NEVER leave us… God is ALWAYS providing for us… God will ALWAYS take care of us…God will ALWAYS make a way…

Our lives have already been pre-planned. He already has our lives mapped out. He knows what tomorrow brings.. what next week brings.. what next year brings… Now I continuously say a prayer of Thanks. I pray over and over again throughout the day, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! There are so many things to be thankful for and grateful for I can never find the words to say what I am specifically thankful for. I am just…… THANKFUL.

2014 was a game-changer…a life-changer… a true miracle…. God’s Miracle. Every day in 2014 has been a MIRACLE. And for every day, I am so grateful for our small daily miracles.

Stay Blessed everyone. Enjoy your miracles.

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