How I see Myself Right Now…

How I see myself

NOVEMBER 4, 2014

Sunday Pastor preached about self reflection. How do we see ourselves? Spiritually… how do we see ourselves? He gave us a fewv second to visualize ourselves spiritually. My first instinctive visual surprised myself… it was far far from the one I had hoped to actually be one day.

How I prayed and dreamed of being, spiritually. ..was Gracious. Beautiful. Peaceful. Joyous. Strong. Godly and an example to others. This was how I used to want to be. This is how I STILL want to be.

But the couple seconds Pastor gave us to think about this, an entirely different vision came into my mind. Actually, the complete opposite.

I, at that moment, envisioned myself as…an old lady. Under so much stress that most of my hair had fallen out and what was left was long, grey- almost white, unkept and sadly thin. The weight of the world weighed down on me so much that my shoulders hunched forward. My skin was wrinkled and I walked with a cane. I was wearing a dress, and I was ready for church.

I giggled to myself because that was my vision. I saw myself as a sad old lady. But then I thought…well at least I’m still walking!!! Lol

Pastor continued with his sermon. He preached from the book of Numbers 13:33
“There we saw the giants (the descendants of Anak came from giants); and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight.”

God told Moses to send men to Canaan to check out the land. (Promised Land) Well, the men went and saw that there were giants standing guard and protecting that land. When the men came back to give their report to Moses, They told him that it was good land. It was rich with all kinds of good stuff. ..but they wouldn’t be able to defeat the giants. That they look like grasshoppers compared to them. ..

Long story short, God asked the people why they were doubting him. Why were they afraid? After ALL He has done. .. why are they afraid now? ? God promised this land to them. They should obey what He said and go do what they gotta do. ..get their land. God promised it… Hes not going to let anything get in the way of that. .not even giants.

But because those men saw THEMSELVES a certain way. . They doubted themselves.. and ended up not getting what was promised.

WE are His chosen people. WE were given a promise. WHY would we doubt Him and doubt ourselves?! WHY do we see ourselves in such a sad way?!

Pastor continued saying how we should remember what is promised to us. God has brought us through SO much!! Pain.. turmoil..sadness.. He has brought us through it all. We are favored… and we should NOT be insecure about our lives… spiritually.

As he was finishing, I thought again, with everything that was going on, I wanted to see myself differently. I know I’m far from being the gracious beautiful being I hope to be one day. But I didn’t Want to see myself as that old lady anymore.

So I started seeing myself a different way… I saw myself as a warrior. I was a fighter! I saw myself wearing God’s armor. Sword…shield… fighting! I even saw myself standing tall.. wiping the sweat off my forehead.. and walking away like a hardcore warrior princess!!! Lol… I was proud of myself. And THAT is the ME I need to be visualizing.

Be a warrior. Stay Blessed

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